I had an overwhelming response to my post 11 Questions to ask before having a baby with your husband. I even had a few emails from some lovely ladies who said bringing up those questions in conversation with their partners shone light on certain things they would never have imagined could become problematic later down the line. Having a baby generally brings up issues between people that they’d never otherwise encounter.
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I’m so pleased Part 1 has been helpful and it of course led me to having more conversations with my mummy friends on the same topic. Is it a never ending list? No. If you’re supposed to be relying on list of questions to decide on your future, I don’t see why there should be any more than 40 questions. I also think many of those questions should be sub-questions that arise out of conversation.
Some of the questions in this new list may seem similar to a few of those in Part 1 but there’ll be some differences. And if they do seem similar, then it shows just how frequently those particular issues arise in relationships once there’s a baby. It also means then they are extra important to discuss before a baby arrives if you can. Your parents’ parenting style/the way you were parented is a prime example of one of those important questions. The way yourself and your partner were parented will largely influence how you parent because those are the parenting styles that you’d be most familiar with and are most likely to model unless you make a conscious effort not to. Whether you choose to do the very opposite of what you know or exactly what you know, the decision is based on your previous knowledge. Where yours and your partners’ upbringings differ vastly, there’ll be a lot to argue about!
What’s your biggest issue?
Based on these and the questions from Part 1, the general topics that seem to arise surround stress management, childhood experiences and handling interactions with extended family/in-laws. Should there be a Part 3, it will include some questions on finance so that’s clearly another topic that’s worthy of much discussion before having a baby. Of course, many would argue that it’s the biggest topic. Some, that it’s the the only topic worthy of discussion. I don’t agree with either opinion. I do think finances are one of the most vital topics of discussion before baby arrives though.
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What sorts of things do you wish you had discussed before you had your children? If you’re about to start your family, what sorts of discussions are you having now?
If you’d like a more thorough way to discuss the issues that will most affect your relationship as a couple, the workbook below is a good resource.
Can we do this baby thing? – THE WORKBOOK
Vital Topics of Discussion before you have a baby with your partner
The important thing is to go through this workbook not expecting it to tell you what your conclusion should be but instead knowing that it may raise some unexpected issues between yourself and your partner that need to be dealt with before your baby is either conceived or arrives in this world.
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