That’s life, deal with it. There’s nothing more emotionally draining and dissatisfying for me than to hear the words “That’s life. Deal with it.” Especially when they’re coming from the person you’ve decided to “do life” with.
If “deal with it” means just go with it, then that doesn’t sit right with me. Not always. In my mind, there are a lot of things that happen in life…that can go wrong in life…and if your response to the things you feel most strongly about is simply that they will happen the way they will happen anyway, then you’re letting life happen to you. You’re not making any kind of an effort to at the very least let things happen in the best way possible for yourself.
Now I say those words are most emotional coming from your “life partner” only if, like myself, you don’t agree with them. I’ve never taken any situation I didn’t like lying down. That’s simply my nature. I’ll fight it for as long as I can or until I know for sure that I can’t do anything about it. Hearing those words from my partner means that they’re willing to roll with that particular situation and I’m not. That means that if I choose to fight, then I’m fighting on my own. Fighting on your own is (arguably) not something you think you’re going to do when you take on a life partner.
Husbands will tend to feel the burden of life quickly if they’re carrying the financial burden of the family and it can feel for them that they can only plod along with no room for discussion or complaining. This is totally understandable but it’s a difficult way to have to deal with life in general. And, of course, it could bleed out into their interactions with their partners. It could become their default response to anything that their partners see as a struggle.
It may be helpful to remember that each individual in a relationship or marriage will carry a weight or burden of some sort that their partner cannot help with even if they would like to. It might happen early or later on in the marriage, but it will happen. Pregnancy is a fine example of something that a partner will be unable to physically help their pregnant partner with. That does not mean that any struggle that the non-pregnant partner faces is now negated. You know what I mean?
Being mummy of a young child makes fighting and pushing for things harder not just logistically but physically as well. It’s tiring. It can make you feel like you’re in this life alone even though you’re supposed to be a unit and the thing is, sometimes, all it takes is a willingness to talk through obstacles and show a bit of understanding. A bit of empathy. Really listening. Asking questions for clarity. That can make your partner feel like you at least care.
Don’t forget, husbands, to take it a step further and continue to take your partner’s struggle with that particular situation into consideration. Even if it’s something you know you can’t do anything about. It’s not enough to put on a show of care and consideration for a single day and not keep it up. That will only exacerbate your partner’s feeling of alone-ness.
Show some empathy, husbands. We’re all human and shoving our feelings and emotions under the carpet because “that’s life” is not sustainable in the long term. Those feelings will find other ways to come out and they’ll never be positive ways. Besides, you don’t want a wife or partner who’s just going through the routine day-to-day, do you? A partner who’s simply dealing with life rather than really living it. How boring does that sound? Know that if she suddenly becomes that kind of person, she’s not with you anymore. She might be with you physically but certainly not emotionally or mentally.
And you, dear husband. Are you just dealing with life? Do you want something different? Is there anything you can do to change things? It’s alright to express dissatisfaction. Your partner is willing to listen and might even offer you some ideas.
Wife, have you succumbed to life because you’re being told that that’s all you can do? Are there several things you want to change but can’t muster up the energy to even try because it’s been drummed into your head that “That’s life. Deal with it”?