Marriage with a newborn

Marriage with a newborn

Has having a newborn been tough on your relationship?

Having a newborn has been really tough on our relationship. With a tired recovering body and demanding newborn who refused to sleep in her cot for the most part, you tend to feel exhausted for those first three months. Breastfeeding makes you feel like your body is no longer yours and it takes some getting used to.
If you haven't dragged your other half to antenatal classes or had a serious chat about each others' expectations before they arrive, it can be a plethora of disagreements and surprises. Be it dummy, no dummy, Co sleeping, breastfeeding versus formula or just who is expected to do the dishes, I had many surprises and ended up arguing a lot with my partner. Then the jealousy kicked in that I wasn't working and despite me feeling exhausted, to him, it seemed like a holiday. I didn't feel like that at 3am trying to get a baby to sleep.

What advice would you give a first time mum who’s worried about her relationship making it through? Or do you think you don’t know the answer to that yet? 

I would say to do a few things that I didn't manage.
Sit down before baby arrives and talk through your expectations with each other includes household chores, finances, mat [maternity] leave, going back to work hours, and importantly, parenting styles.
At least this way, you can try to agree on some things before the baby is thrown into the mix. If this doesn't work, try to lean on whoever you can for support - siblings, parents, etc. to get you through those first few months.

Has having a newborn been tough on your relationship?

Having a newborn has been really tough on our relationship. With a tired recovering body and demanding newborn who refused to sleep in her cot for the most part, you tend to feel exhausted for those first three months. Breastfeeding makes you feel like your body is no longer yours and it takes some getting used to.
If you haven't dragged your other half to antenatal classes or had a serious chat about each others' expectations before they arrive, it can be a plethora of disagreements and surprises. Be it dummy, no dummy, Co sleeping, breastfeeding versus formula or just who is expected to do the dishes, I had many surprises and ended up arguing a lot with my partner. Then the jealousy kicked in that I wasn't working and despite me feeling exhausted, to him, it seemed like a holiday. I didn't feel like that at 3am trying to get a baby to sleep.

What advice would you give a first time mum who’s worried about her relationship making it through? Or do you think you don’t know the answer to that yet? 

I would say to do a few things that I didn't manage.
Sit down before baby arrives and talk through your expectations with each other includes household chores, finances, mat [maternity] leave, going back to work hours, and importantly, parenting styles.
At least this way, you can try to agree on some things before the baby is thrown into the mix. If this doesn't work, try to lean on whoever you can for support - siblings, parents, etc. to get you through those first few months.

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10 thoughts on “Marriage with a newborn”

  • Life with a baby is not easy indeed and talking about all the expectations with my partner really helped, happy we did otherwise we could have maybe filed for divorce

    • I think many moms would agree even though they might not be willing to say so! And if you manage to get past the first year or so, couples seem to almost forget those tougher times with a newborn. It’s so interesting. Thanks for stopping by!

  • Marriage definitely changes when you have kids, especially in the newborn stage. My best advice is just to say IT CHANGES. The newborn phase doesn’t last forever. You will find a new normal!

  • This post couldn’t be more accurate! You know that saying “tired as a mother” it really sums it up. Here you are with a newborn baby whose entire existence relies on your provision, a husband who more than likely still expects you to operate at the same capacity you did pre-baby, and for some there are other children in the equation that have needs as well. Naturally you tend to kiss the fulfillment of your own needs goodbye! I encourage women to celebrate the small victories during this stage. If you manage to find enough time to shower AND brush your teeth then it’s a pretty darn good day!

    • absolutely! and then there are the inevitable “mom fails” where your child may have to subsist on three square meals of cereal one day for one reason or the other and you beat yourself up about it.

  • Yes, having a baby is hard on a relationship for so many reasons. I tell me friends that don’t have kids yet that they better have kids with someone that really loves them because after the baby comes, they will see you at your worst and vise versa. But when you make it out of the newborn stage, your relationship becomes stronger for it!

    • Yes so I’ve been told by some people! It’s the sticking it out for long enough that people struggle with I suppose.
      Thanks for visiting!

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