Marriage with a newborn

Marriage with a newborn

Has having a newborn been tough on your relationship?

Having a newborn has been really tough on our relationship. With a tired recovering body and demanding newborn who refused to sleep in her cot for the most part, you tend to feel exhausted for those first three months. Breastfeeding makes you feel like your body is no longer yours and it takes some getting used to.
If you haven't dragged your other half to antenatal classes or had a serious chat about each others' expectations before they arrive, it can be a plethora of disagreements and surprises. Be it dummy, no dummy, Co sleeping, breastfeeding versus formula or just who is expected to do the dishes, I had many surprises and ended up arguing a lot with my partner. Then the jealousy kicked in that I wasn't working and despite me feeling exhausted, to him, it seemed like a holiday. I didn't feel like that at 3am trying to get a baby to sleep.

What advice would you give a first time mum who’s worried about her relationship making it through? Or do you think you don’t know the answer to that yet? 

I would say to do a few things that I didn't manage.
Sit down before baby arrives and talk through your expectations with each other includes household chores, finances, mat [maternity] leave, going back to work hours, and importantly, parenting styles.
At least this way, you can try to agree on some things before the baby is thrown into the mix. If this doesn't work, try to lean on whoever you can for support - siblings, parents, etc. to get you through those first few months.

Has having a newborn been tough on your relationship?

Having a newborn has been really tough on our relationship. With a tired recovering body and demanding newborn who refused to sleep in her cot for the most part, you tend to feel exhausted for those first three months. Breastfeeding makes you feel like your body is no longer yours and it takes some getting used to.
If you haven't dragged your other half to antenatal classes or had a serious chat about each others' expectations before they arrive, it can be a plethora of disagreements and surprises. Be it dummy, no dummy, Co sleeping, breastfeeding versus formula or just who is expected to do the dishes, I had many surprises and ended up arguing a lot with my partner. Then the jealousy kicked in that I wasn't working and despite me feeling exhausted, to him, it seemed like a holiday. I didn't feel like that at 3am trying to get a baby to sleep.

What advice would you give a first time mum who’s worried about her relationship making it through? Or do you think you don’t know the answer to that yet? 

I would say to do a few things that I didn't manage.
Sit down before baby arrives and talk through your expectations with each other includes household chores, finances, mat [maternity] leave, going back to work hours, and importantly, parenting styles.
At least this way, you can try to agree on some things before the baby is thrown into the mix. If this doesn't work, try to lean on whoever you can for support - siblings, parents, etc. to get you through those first few months.

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4 thoughts on “Marriage with a newborn”

  • Life with a baby is not easy indeed and talking about all the expectations with my partner really helped, happy we did otherwise we could have maybe filed for divorce

    • I think many moms would agree even though they might not be willing to say so! And if you manage to get past the first year or so, couples seem to almost forget those tougher times with a newborn. It’s so interesting. Thanks for stopping by!

  • Marriage definitely changes when you have kids, especially in the newborn stage. My best advice is just to say IT CHANGES. The newborn phase doesn’t last forever. You will find a new normal!

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