10 Things that could happen to your Sex Drive Postpartum

If your sex drive has changed after having a baby, you’re not broken. You’re postpartum.

For some women, libido returns quickly. For many others, it changes week to week (or disappears completely for a while). And that’s common. Especially when you factor in healing, hormones, breastfeeding, sleep deprivation and mental load.

Below are 10 realistic ways postpartum can affect your sex drive, plus what to do if it’s worrying you.

Note: This is general information, not medical advice. If you have severe pain, symptoms of depression/anxiety or concerns about healing, speak to a healthcare professional.

Quick take: What’s “normal” for postpartum libido?

There’s no universal timeline. Some couples feel ready within weeks, others take months and some take longer. Especially if breastfeeding, recovering from birth trauma or dealing with postnatal anxiety/depression.

The more helpful question isn’t “When will it be back?” but “What’s affecting it right now and what support would help?”

Some women can have their sex drive return quickly postpartum. It’s not always a case of a sexless marriage after baby. If it’s the case for you though, be comforted: a lot of women experience changes to their postpartum sex drive. Sometimes even day to day or week to week.

Why sex drive changes after having a baby

Postpartum libido is influenced by:

1. Hormones (especially if breastfeeding)
2. Physical healing (vaginal delivery or C-section)
3. Sleep deprivation
4. Stress/mental load
5. Body image and identity shifts
6. Relationship dynamics (resentment, pressure, disconnection)

Most of these are temporary but they can feel intense.

Here are ten changes you may experience in your sex drive postpartum:

1. Sex is unlikely to be high in your list of priorities when you have a small break from the rigour that motherhood can be. Particularly in the earlier years. Rest and sleep are the two things you’re most likely to want.
2. You may feel a lot less affection for your partner. In fact, everything they do might annoy you. Or you’ll continue to adore them but feel no sexual attraction towards them.
   
   READ: How to Start a Self-Love Journey
   
3. The first few times you have sex after childbirth may be, even if not entirely painful (Dyspareunia), uncomfortable. Whether you had a vaginal delivery or a C-section.
   
   If pain is sharp, persistent or worsening, get checked.
   
4. If you’re breastfeeding, you’re likely to need to start using lube, if you didn’t before. This is because the link between vaginal dryness and breastfeeding has been well-documented.
   
   Practical tip: Go slow, use lube and don’t push through pain.
   
5. Although you may not be conscious of it, you are unlikely to want to have sex for fear of getting pregnant again too soon and that also decreases your libido.
6. The majority of moms will get their libido back without any medical intervention.
7. Body image issues may arise which could cause you to feel ‘unsexy’ and consequently, a lot less like a sexual being.
   
   READ: 60+ Best Ways to Love Yourself Again
   
8. The presence of any measure of postnatal anxiety or depression will make sex even less appealing.
9. Some women come to dread sex postpartum.
10. As you can see from the results of this quick Facebook poll below, there’s no real time on how long it should take to get your libido back postpartum. It could be anything from a week to nine months to a year. Yes, even in this very low number of respondents, one person was not ready after a year. She clarified in the comment section of the poll that it was because she simply is not ready yet.

Please bear in mind that these are not definitely going to happen to you postpartum. These are not rules but even if they were, there are always exceptions to the rule and you might be that exception!

What helps (without forcing it)

Rebuild connection without pressure

Try:

1. 10 minutes of talking after baby is asleep
2. a cuddle with a clear no expectation agreement
3. a tiny act of care (tea, a bath, letting you nap)

Make the mental load visible

Desire struggles when you feel like the household manager. A fairer split often improves intimacy faster than any “sex tip.”

Use lube and take it slow

If breastfeeding or healing, lube is not optional.

Check in with your body (and your support)

If you have:

1. persistent pain
2. bleeding
3. pelvic heaviness
4. severe dryness
5. trauma symptoms
   …talk to your GP/midwife and consider pelvic floor physio if available.

FAQs

When does sex drive come back after having a baby?

There’s no set time. Some feel ready quickly, many take months and some take longer especially with breastfeeding, sleep loss or mood changes.

Is it normal to have no libido postpartum?

Yes. Low or absent libido is common postpartum. It becomes a concern if it feels distressing, is tied to depression/anxiety or pain is involved.

Why does breastfeeding affect libido?

Breastfeeding hormones can reduce natural lubrication and lower sexual desire. Many mums notice dryness and discomfort.

Is sex supposed to hurt the first time after birth?

Mild discomfort can be common but you shouldn’t push through pain. If pain is sharp, ongoing or severe, get assessed.

What if my partner doesn’t understand?

Start with a simple explanation: “My body is healing and my hormones are different. Pressure makes it harder.” Then talk about what support would help (sleep, sharing tasks, affection without expectation).

What kinds of things have you heard about the postpartum sex drive? What was your experience with your sex drive postpartum?

You may also enjoy Jane’s description of her experience of sex postpartum