I’m scared of giving birth for the first time – 7 Practical Tips to Help

Are you scared of dying while giving birth? This fear is so common and real that it has a name: tokophobia. It feels even more scary to read in black and white but it’s a real fear. It’s probably the ultimate reason why many pregnant women are scared of giving birth the first time but even subsequent pregnancies can be just as daunting.

In this article, I hope to do my best to allay your fears. Let’s talk about your fear some more and see how realistic it is. We will also discuss some things that you can do to feel less petrified of the experience of childbirth.

Is it normal to be scared of childbirth?

Yes, it is perfectly normal to be scared of childbirth.

Think of all the things we all hear growing up about giving birth. A phrase we will often hear associated with the process is “worst pain anyone can ever feel”. How do you not cultivate fear for it when you hear that so often?

It is not surprising also that many women’s first thought would be to wonder if there is any medicine or drug that doctors can give them to help them with this all-consuming fear once they actually go into labour.

Can they give you anything for anxiety during labour?

Depending on just how debilitating your anxiety is, your care team may agree to give you tranquilizer. If they do, it will only be given once they are absolutely certain that you are about to give birth or else there is the risk of your baby being affected by the tranquilizer as well.

Some studies have shown auricular acupuncture to be effective for some women to reduce stress levels. However, there has been sufficient research done into its effectiveness for women in labour. Therefore doctors are unlikely to know enough about it to recommend it as a method of relieving the stress of being scared of giving birth for the first time.

Is it painful to give birth for the first time?

The uncountable number of women who express the terrifying pain they felt during childbirth cannot all be wrong. Yes, it is painful to give birth whether it is your first time or not.

Before you start to panic though, remember that there are also many moms who speak of just how manageable the pain of childbirth was for them. 

Can giving birth be painless?

I have certainly read stories of women describing their childbirth experience as uncomfortable rather than painful. 

However, I think that in order to manage your expectations, it is best to understand that there will be pain involved. It is the level of pain that is the issue and finding coping mechanisms before you get into the delivery room could make all the difference to your birthing experience. 

RELATED: What to know about giving birth for the first time

How long does it take to give birth for the first time?

The National Health Service website says that first time moms can go between 8 to 12 hours from when they go into labor to when they become fully dilated. It also notes that for some moms, it can be as quick as 5 hours.

Note though, that this is not possible to predict with certainty for any woman. Some women say that knowing how long it took their mothers gave them a good indication. However, this is not a reliable way to guess because each woman is different even within each family. 

Maybe it’s not exactly the pain that scares you. Maybe it’s the whole process of childbirth because it is an incredible process. You may be one of those who is scared of dying while giving birth. It feels almost superhuman. How can you work at calming your anxiety? At least to some extent.

How to overcome your fear of giving birth

1. Focus on other things. This is of course easier said than done. Particularly in your third trimester and close to your actual due date, it will be hard to think of much else if you are already anxious. You have to make a conscious effort. There will always be other things in your life for you to think about. Take up a new hobby, for example. Volunteer if you’re physically able to so that you can focus on other people even if it is only for one hour per week. Hey, start a blog about your anxiety!

2. Control your breathing. Breathing exercises will not only help you with your anxiety in the run up to your birth, but will also be useful during the birth.

3. Find a doctor you can trust. Having full trust in your doctor and the general team in charge of your care will give you the assurance that your childbirth experience will be overseen by people who care about you and your baby’s welfare. This will make a lot of difference to the amount of anxiety you feel when it is time. Doing the research into available doctors and securing the one who I felt most comfortable with made me feel good throughout my second pregnancy and when I went into the delivery room.

READ: My planned -Section experience

4. Journal. Putting your feelings into words by writing them down is therapeutic and helps you to get to the root of why you are having those feelings. Understanding why you are scared of giving birth for the first time might help you to manage it better.

5. Get a doula. A doula is there to support you through your pregnancy and if they are good, their support will include mental and emotional support if you need it. They can also talk you through exactly what is going on in your body at each stage and that more technical understanding is very helpful for coping with anxiety or fear of giving birth for the first time.

6. Talk to a professional therapist. It is possible that speaking to a professional counsellor or therapist about your fear is what you need. A professional is trained in guiding you through coping techniques for anxiety and exactly how to make those techniques work for you.

7. Get enough sleep. The importance of sleep for any and everything in life cannot be stressed enough and should never be underestimated. Sleep helps you to have a clearer head that can more easily sort through your fears and work through them, to put it very simply.

So are you scared of giving birth for the first time? What are you doing to battle your anxiety?