Why your clingy 2 year old only wants You

Your 2 year old clings to you while you watch other toddlers unlatch from their parents to run off and play. It makes you wonder why your 2 year old is suddenly so clingy.

You might have started to notice your very independent toddler clinging to you not only in public places, but also around bedtime, for example.

This article will look at some of the reasons why 2 year olds can be clingy. We will then look at what can be done to help them become less clingy and more eager to explore on their own.

Let’s start with the question you might be asking yourself if your 2 year old will not even go to Daddy or Grandma.

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Why does my 2 year old only want Mommy?

Understandably, hearing “it’s just a phase” does not answer your question enough. Here are some reasons why your 2 year old seems to be clinging on to you for dear life.

Attachment hierarchy in the face of a threat

Your clingy 2 year old might simply see you as the most important person in their world. Particularly in the face of a person, thing, situation or environment that they find threatening or scary, you are probably the person they trust the most. Even if there are other people they trust, you might be top of their list.

An expression of independence

If you suddenly have an extremely clingy 2 year old on your hands who only wants mommy to do everything for them, do not be alarmed. It might simply be their way of asserting their ability to choose. They may be showing that they are able to make a choice and they choose you.

An inability to prioritise more than one person at a time

Your clingy 2 year old is only little. They might not yet be able to grasp the concept of having more than one very trusted person or more than one person that they can run to when they need something. Perhaps in their mind, you are the person of choice because they cannot see how they could have more than one person.

More time spent with mommy

If you are your 2 year old’s primary caregiver, it is you that they see the most of and you who caters to the majority of their needs. It is no wonder then if in certain situations or even all the time at some points, they only want you.

Separation anxiety

You have most likely already heard this phrase before if you have a kid. When your 2 year old is acting clingy, it could very well be a case of separation anxiety. While it exists for adults too, separation anxiety for babies and toddlers is where they have a fear of their parent(s) separating from them and never returning.

There are different ways to deal with 2 year old clinginess regardless of why it is happening. While you are unlikely to be able to get rid of it immediately or overnight, there are some things you can do to help your 2 year old be less clingy.

How do I get my 2 year old to stop being clingy?

Try these steps to give yourself some freedom and ease your 2 year old’s mind.

Try to understand the problem

Taking the time to listen means that you might be able to decipher which of the above reasons for clinginess applies to your little one. Then you can address it directly.

Build up to it

If you can help it, do not suddenly leave your two year old for a week. Prepare them for being separated from you periodically by starting out with short periods of time apart. Get them used to the idea that no matter how long you’re gone for, you’ll always be back.

Be strong and calm for them

You won’t be helping the situation if you are as much of a nervous, emotional wreck as they are when you’re separating from them for s little bit. As emotional as you may be feeling, it will be reassuring for them to see you calmly say goodbye to them or encourage them to go and do something on their own.

Offer verbal reassurance

For kids, sometimes comforting words coming from you can be all they need. Tell them that even though you won’t be right next to them for that playgroup activity, you’ll be waiting for them when they’re finished.

Create a routine

Setting up a routine where they know they will be away from you for a little while every day or every week helps to establish in your clingy 2 year old’s mind that being with you again is always going to be part of the deal. It helps to reduce separation anxiety.

Be consistent

Once that routine is created, be consistent with it. Kids find comfort and security in consistency.

Offer physical reassurance

Cuddles and kisses make the world feel like a friendlier and more manageable place not just for you but for your clingy 2 year old too!

Perfect your bedtime routine

Of your entire daily routine with your toddler, the bedtime routine is arguably one of the most important. Perfect it by figuring out which time is best for your little one to go to bed and making sure they are getting sufficient sleep. Lack of sleep will do to them just what it does to you: make you irrational, tired and potentially anxious.

2 year olds can start to show signs of separation anxiety around bedtime. Having a good and consistent bedtime routine can help to alleviate their fears.

READ: The 2-Year Sleep Regression

Practice makes perfect

Frequently look for opportunities to do things with your toddler that will make them face their fear of being separated from you. Just be careful that you do not overdo it as that could instead set them back.

Encourage independence

Look for areas in your child’s life where they enjoy doing things on their own and encourage that. For example, they might love going out into the backyard on their own and playing in the garden. Or they might have no anxiety at all about going to church playgroup on their own. Encourage that and tell them how proud you are of them for doing those things without assistance.

Explain

Talk your clingy 2 year old through any periods of separation before they occur to help them become mentally prepared. They understand more than you probably realize.

Be patient

Finally, do not expect your preschooler to ‘get it’ instantly. Expect some tears, anger and tantrums and remind yourself that these are all excellent signs that your 2 year old is developmentally normal.

Is your 2 year old suddenly being clingy?