11 Vital Things to discuss before having a baby together (+ free printable checklist)

There are some big parenting questions to ask your partner before having a baby together. There is a lot of work involved once you start a family together.

I’ve also got a free printable checklist to help you to keep track of the most important topics to discuss before having a baby together.

The importance of communication before parenthood

Open communication before making the transition into parenthood is of paramount importance for several compelling reasons.

1. Alignment of expectations. Parenthood brings with it a multitude of changes and challenges. Open communication allows partners to discuss and align their expectations about various aspects of parenting, such as roles, responsibilities, parenting styles, and division of tasks. This alignment can prevent misunderstandings and conflicts down the road.
2. Decision-making. Parenting involves numerous decisions, ranging from everyday choices to major life-altering ones. Engaging in open dialogue helps couples make informed decisions together. Discussing topics like birthing preferences, childcare options, education, and discipline methods ensures that both partners have a say and contribute to the choices being made.
3. Strengthening the partnership. The transition to parenthood can strain even the strongest relationships. Open communication fosters a sense of teamwork and unity between partners. Sharing thoughts, concerns, and feelings promotes empathy, understanding, and support, which are essential for maintaining a strong partnership through the challenges of parenthood.
4. Conflict resolution. Parenthood can bring about stress and exhaustion. Disagreements are bound to arise, but open communication provides a platform for addressing conflicts in a healthy manner. Partners can discuss their differences, find compromises, and work towards solutions that consider both viewpoints.
5. Emotional well-being. Becoming parents is an emotional journey. Openly discussing feelings, fears, and anxieties can alleviate emotional burdens. Partners can provide each other with the emotional support needed to navigate the highs and lows of pregnancy, childbirth, and early parenting stages.
6. Adaptation to changes. Parenthood entails significant lifestyle changes. Open communication allows partners to discuss how their routines, habits, and social lives will be affected. Being on the same page helps them adapt and find new ways to accommodate each other’s needs.
7. Preventing resentment. When issues are left unaddressed, resentment can build up over time. Open communication helps identify potential sources of resentment and provides an opportunity to resolve them before they escalate.
8. Learning and growth. Parenthood is a learning process. Sharing experiences, insights, and knowledge enhances both partners’ understanding of parenting. Discussing challenges and seeking advice can lead to personal growth and improved parenting skills.
9. Support network.Open communication extends beyond the partnership to involve the broader support network. Sharing plans, concerns, and preparations with family and friends ensures that everyone is on the same page and ready to provide assistance when needed.
10. Creating a positive environment: A home with open communication is one where children learn the importance of expressing themselves and resolving conflicts constructively. Modeling healthy communication between parents sets an example for children to follow in their own interactions.

Open communication enables partners to navigate the challenges of parenthood with a strong sense of collaboration and support, ultimately benefits both their relationship and the well-being of their child.

What are the big parenting questions to ask?

This list is for you if:

1. you’re getting engaged or you’re newlyweds,
2. a young couple who are considering conceiving together for the first time, or
3. already pregnant and awaiting the arrival of your little one.

Many of the items are parenting questions to ask your partner but in general, they will reveal more about your relationship than just how you will parent. Parenting questions for couples always bring more issues to the surface than one expects.

Why do you need this baby checklist?

From experience, I can say that discussing certain vital things before you go ahead and bring another life into this world is important. This is because otherwise you could have a stressful and/or miserable pregnancy and first few years with your baby. It’s not surprising – it’s a major life change. It takes more time and energy than many first time parents expect.

READ: Which parenting styles best suit you?

Married and unhappy with a baby to boot is not what anyone is aiming for. Those 10 months of pregnancy and first few years with your baby are some of the most cherished ones for any mom. Ask any of your mom friends. These early years are the years that you wish you could bottle up and store away to enjoy again and again later on down the line.

It is tough to find that you’re spending those precious moments arguing about things that, on any other occasion, would be mundane. You could also be arguing over things that are extremely big but could be discussed in a different way. From potty training your baby or toddler to car seats to night feeds to sleep deprivation (that’s a big one). There are any number of issues that could cause an argument.

Indeed, even if you’ve known your partner for many years, it doesn’t guarantee that you know the answer to these questions. Raising children together brings up all the differences in your own upbringing. Neither of you may have considered some of these parenting questions to ask your partner before and may realise that they need to think about the answers longer than you expect.

That will lead you to seeing the differences between you two. That’s why it’s important to talk as much as you can in advance.

RELATED: Things to do before having a baby

It’s true that there’s very little you can do to emotionally prepare yourself for a baby but there are other ways to prepare. After speaking with some friends, I found that the main points of conflict arose from:

1. partners not helping out enough
2. family members/in-laws/extended family butting in where they were not wanted and
3. financial restrictions.

Somehow, husbands not wanting to help out with the baby seemed to be forgiven more easily than other issues. I wonder why.

Emotional preparedness

The journey into parenthood is an emotional rollercoaster. Emotional preparedness for parenting involves acknowledging and understanding these emotions. Bonding with a newborn is an experience that can be facilitated through skin-to-skin contact, soothing touch and nurturing interactions.

This early bonding lays the foundation for a secure attachment between parent and child, fostering a sense of trust and emotional connection that impacts the child’s development.

However, amidst the joys of parenting, postpartum emotions can be challenging. Many new parents, particularly mothers, experience postpartum mood changes. These emotions can include not only the expected elation but also bouts of sadness, irritability or anxiety.

Dealing with postpartum emotions requires open communication with one’s partner, seeking social support and recognizing the importance of self-care. Partners play a crucial role in creating an environment where these feelings can be openly discussed, reducing the stigma around them and ensuring the emotional well-being of both parents.

Vital parenting questions to ask

Does having a baby make a relationship stronger? Not necessarily. Infact, it can do the very opposite. Your relationship after baby could take a serious hit if you don’t have the right conversations before you go the baby arrives.

I’ve come up with this list of things to discuss before having a baby. If you have been following this blog for long enough, you will know that I am a fan of checklists. I think that this list will grow as I have more conversations with people and more experience as a parent.

If you’re about to become a mother for the first time, I promise that these 11 things to discuss before having a baby will save you plenty of valuable time and heartache. Ideally, these are conversations to have before you even conceive, in my view. Maybe even before you get married to your partner.

You may have fundamentally different opinions on how to raise a child and not even be aware of it yourselves. You must work on becoming a united front. Preferably before baby arrives.

Chances are, if you are reading this, you’re either already pregnant or already set on getting pregnant no matter what. These will be useful to you either way.

If you use it and it changes your perception of whether you are ready for a baby, let me know in the comments. Or email me: [email protected].

Get the Ultimate List of things to discuss before having a baby

If you find it useful, you will love my Couple’s workbook to help prepare your relationship for a baby.

“Can we do this baby thing?” is an in-depth sit-down conversation delving really deeply into your relationship thus far and where you both stand as individuals. It would be especially helpful to making you feel ready for a baby. Find out how your partner feels about various family and baby topics.

There are many things to discuss before having a baby together and they are ALL in this workbook. Use my baby book – Can We Do This Baby Thing? – to discover even more discussion points. It’s also a fun way to learn more about your partner!

Happy contemplating!

Purchase your Ultimate Baby Workbook