They say chivalry is dead. They say there are no real gentlemen left but you are a boy mom and you want to raise a son into the kind of man that you can be proud of. You want to raise your son to be a gentleman.
Do not get it confused. A gentleman is not someone who allows others to walk all over him.
In this article, we will look at what a true gentleman is and what is involved in raising gentlemen.
Who is a true gentleman?
Merriam-Webster has a few definitions of the word ‘gentleman’. My favourite definition there which is also relevant to this article is ‘a man whose conduct conforms to a high standard of propriety or correct behavior’.
The definition makes it clear that being a gentleman is more about character than anything else. If you want to raise your son to be a gentleman, you first need to be aware of what society regards as ‘correct’ or appropriate behaviour. You can raise a man who exhibits the characteristics of a true gentleman if you are conscious of what the world values in a man.
To raise a gentleman, you must be able to mould your son’s character to take on the traits listed below.
The Top 10 characteristics of a Gentleman
- Ambition. You might wonder why this would be on the list. Ambition is not always about striving for (more) fame, power or money. Ambition can also be about trying to gain more knowledge and more emotional intelligence. A man who is always striving to be a better version of himself is ambitious and worthy of being called a gentleman.
- Courtesy. A real gentleman knows how and when to be chivalrous and polite towards others. Not just towards women, but men as well. Showing good manners is a mark of gentlemanliness.
- Kindness. Kindness means making the effort to meet other peoples’ needs when you know you are able to.
- Honour. A gentleman respects not just others but also himself. That self-respect also stops him from disrespecting others. That self-respect can be called honour. Honour also makes a man trustworthy.
- Intelligence. This is not just book smarts but street smarts as well. A gentleman knows something about different topics because he cares to learn about different kinds of people, situations and environments. He therefore acquires a lot of knowledge.
- Good hygiene. A gentleman will make sure he is always keeping good hygiene because he respects himself and those he comes into contact with. He wants to represent himself appropriately and does not want to offend others.
- Integrity. A gentleman is a man of integrity. He has a strict moral code that may or may not originate from his religious background. He does his best to stick to that code.
- Self-control. A gentleman knows how to control his emotions when required. For example, he can control his anger in a tough situation where he is being provoked.
- Confidence. Rather than being arrogant or over-confident, a gentleman knows his strengths and is able to utilize those strengths effectively.
- Good humour. A gentleman is able to laugh at himself. He is able to find something positive in most difficult situations.
Those are the greatest traits of a gentleman, but how do you help your kids to cultivate those characteristics? It is not enough to know what they are. How do you instil them in your boys?
How to raise your son to be a gentleman
- Freedom of speech and expression. Let your boys be free to speak and express themselves. This is how you know what they are thinking and feeling. When you know what is in their minds, you will be able to encourage the correct or positive ideas that they have and reconstruct the negative and unhealthy thoughts.
- Life is a classroom. Look for lessons in every situation when you are with your son. Do not restrict teaching values to specific times. There is a lesson in how to be a gentleman in so many different aspects of life and everyday.
- Positive male role models. Make sure your son has at least one male figure in his life who provides a positive representation of masculinity to him. This might be his father but it could also be his uncle, your friend, or his cousin.
- Exposure to positive media. Point of men on television or online who are great examples of what a man should be. Make sure your son is looking at positive examples of men in the media and not only seeing men who are doing things you do not want him to do.
- Be honest. Raise your son to be a gentleman by being truthful with him. In all your discussions about what kind of values you want your son to have, be honest with him. Let him know why specific traits are important to you.
Teaching your son about respecting women
When teaching your son about respecting women, one of the most important things to discuss is empathy. Your son will not be able to directly understand things that a woman goes through but he can certainly empathise. Empathizing with women shows the women that this gentleman respects them enough to try to understand how they feel even if they can never directly live their experiences.
Watch what dad says to his son. Boys look up to their dads and listen closely to what their dads say.
READ: Things Dads say to Sons
RELATED: Keeping toxic masculinity out of your home
Dads must lead by example in the way they treat their sons’ mothers and other women around them.
It is also very important that in teaching your son to respect women that you teach them the importance of respecting boundaries. Teach your sons to listen closely to what women say to them about what their boundaries are. They must be able to interact with women freely without breaching any boundaries that have been made clear to them.
Teach your sons to be firm without being mean. In order to be respectful to women, a gentleman will be able to stand in his truth or stand his ground on an issue without being rude or mean to a woman.
Let us close this out by looking at some of my favourite quotes about gentlemen. They might become some of your favourite quotes about raising gentlemen!
7 Best Raising Gentlemen quotes
A gentleman would be ashamed should his deeds not match his words. – Confucius
Being male is a matter of birth. Being a man is a matter of age. But being a gentleman is a matter of choice. – Vin Diesel
Anyone can be heroic from time to time, but a gentleman is something you have to be all the time. – Luigi Pirandello
The final test of a gentleman is his respect for those who can be of no possible service to him. – William Lyon Phelps
Courtesy is as much a mark of a gentleman as courage. – Theodore Roosevelt
Education begins the gentleman, but reading, good company and reflection must finish him. – John Locke
A gentleman, I hope it will become clear, is not simply a man who stands apart. He is a man who stands up for others—sometimes even for his enemies—often when those others have no clue that he is there for them. – Brad Miner
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