12 Things that Moms Need to Stop Apologizing too much for

Moms need to stop apologising. Women apologize more than men and excessive apologising is a trait that is more commonly found among women than men. Apologizing too much as a mom is problematic because it is a sign that there are some issues either around you or within you that need to be dealt with.

Of course, saying sorry is not always a bad thing. Sometimes, it is necessary. When it is, and you are able to genuinely apologize, it shows emotional empathy and that is a great thing. It is important to determine when it is necessary so that you are not doing it too much.

In this article, we will look at some of the reasons why moms can be found to be apologizing too much. We will also consider why it would be beneficial to consciously apologize less and some of the things that moms can be found to be apologzing for.

Why do I feel like I always need to apologise?

1. Low self-esteem. Constantly apologising is a sign of low self-esteem. You have little confidence in yourself and so are quick to apologize for your presence and for your actions and words.
2. Anxiety. You feel somehow threatened by different kinds of social interactions and you apologize frequently when you find yourself in those situations.
3. Conflict avoidance. Sometimes, as a result of trauma – perhaps in childhood – moms will do everything possible to avoid children conflict. Apologising frequently can be one of the ways that people use to avoid any arguments or confrontations. 

READ: Childhood trauma in adulthood

4. Safety mechanism. Closely linked to the previous point is that rather than set someone off and have them turn against you, you might choose to apologise to them for anything they find displeasing. This keeps your relationships free from conflict even though it will also most likely leave you feeling diminished. This is very frequently the case when a woman finds herself in a long term abusive relationship. 
5. People-pleasing. Again, much like the previous points, it is often just easier to apologise for things than to delve into issues. If you find yourself apologizing too much, it could be because you are a people pleaser. 

3 Main Reasons why moms should stop apologising so much

1. Diminishes respect

It prevents people from respecting you as you will be too busy apologising to stand your ground on things or express your true opinions. 

2. Your apologies lose value

You apologise so much that people find it hard to take your apologies seriously. They might decide that you never mean it. You might even find that some people tell you to stop apologizing too much! 

3. You are setting the wrong example 

Your kids need to be able to see you disagree and resolve conflict with others in a healthy manner. They also need to see from your example when it is normal to apologise. 

12 Things that moms need to stop apologising for

1. Taking time out for self-care. Sleeping, resting, getting your nails done or simply shutting your eyes for five minutes. These are all important to maintain your sanity. 

READ: How to have a self care day with kids around

2. Physical appearance. Do not feel bad for looking amazing. Moms can look hot too! Likewise, never apologise for not looking as put together as you would like. You might not be able to manage that everyday. 

3. An imperfect home. Anyone who has a problem with the state of your home should tidy it up themselves. 

4. Being a stay at home mom. Never let anyone make you feel like there is no value in your job as a stay at home mom. 

RELATED: What do SAHMs do all day?

5. Being a working mom. There may be people who try to shame you for wanting to work as a mom. It may or may not be your choice to do so but you should be proud of doing it anyway. 

6. Imperfect kids. Everyone will think they can raise your kids better than you can. 

7. Your food. Whether you are a Michelin star chef or not, as long as you can feed your family in some way, do not apologise for your food. 

8. Not wanting to socialize. You might not always (or ever) have any energy left to meet up with friends after you become a mom. Do not apologise too much for this. 

READ: How friendships change after motherhood 

9. Showing emotion. Particularly when it comes to crying, women can be made to feel quite bad about expressing their emotions. Especially in public places. Your emotion is part of your strength so do not be ashamed of it. Moms can also be shamed for being too “emotional” with and around their kids and showing them “too much” love. Ignore that. There is no such thing as too much love. 

10. Needing help. You are still a superwoman whether you have help or not. 

11. Feeling confident. Confidence is not arrogance. 

12. Speaking their mind. Do not apologise for being vocal about the things you believe in. 

How to stop constantly apologising

1. Think before you speak. The word “sorry” might just naturally roll off your tongue at the beginning and end of each sentence. Pause before you speak to make sure you are not using the word unnecessarily. 
2. Change your vocabulary. It might take some time but if you pay more attention to your speech and decide to remove the word “sorry” altogether, you will find that more relevant and useful words and phrases come to you instead. 
3. Keep a record. Journaling daily can be useful. Note down all the times each day that you can remember apologising. What were the circumstances surrounding each time?
4. Say no to being a ‘yes woman’. You do not have to be the agreeable person in the room all the time. Leave it to someone else to do that. 

Do you have sorry syndrome? Has anyone ever told you that you are apologizing too much?