As a mum of two, juggling the usual rush of school runs, picky eaters and everything in between, I never expected school events to feel so unfamiliar. However, there I was (at a PTA coffee morning) realising I was the only Black face in the room. Again.
Being the only Black family at school isn’t just a one-off moment. It’s a quiet experience that many of us face, often without saying it out loud. It can come with a strange mix of emotions. Some which are hard to explain.
If you’ve ever found yourself at a school event wondering why it feels a little uncomfortable (even if no one says anything) you’re not alone.
This isn’t a rant. It’s an open window into what this experience is like. If you’re a parent, especially a Black mum, trying to stay present, support your child and make sense of the silence, you’re in the right place.
The Mix of feeling Invisible and under the Spotlight
You notice the glances that linger too long or sometimes don’t land at all. You enter a room full of chatting parents and somehow, it’s like you’ve slipped into the background.
The truth is, I genuinely believe most people don’t mean harm but small things speak loud.
The “Are you new?” question that never stops
It doesn’t matter how many events you’ve attended. You’re often still treated like a new face.
“Is this your first time at the Christmas concert?”
Actually, no. We were here last year too. Front row.
It’s one of those things that can make you feel like you’re floating outside the school community circle even when you’re doing everything right.
Being the only Black parent on the PTA
Joining the PTA can seem like a great way to feel more connected. But sitting in meetings where your ideas are brushed off or treated like a novelty? That can be tough.
Here are some ways to deal with that:
- Speak up anyway. Even if your voice shakes.
- Find an ally. One friendly parent can shift the energy.
- Remember your purpose. You’re there for your child, not validation.
And honestly? If PTA isn’t for you, that’s fine. There are so many ways to show up that matter.
When your kids start noticing too
This one hit hard. My child once asked why no one else in her class had hair like hers. That question stayed with me.
So we talk. Often. About how being different is okay. About pride. About how love at home can balance out what’s missing at school.
Some of what helps us:
- Celebrate cultural days at school, proudly.
- Donate inclusive books to the school library.
- Keep affirming who they are. Loudly and often.
READ: How I build my Black daughter’s Confidence in a predominantly White school
What I hope you take from this
If you’ve ever debated whether to attend the next school event, just go. Your presence matters more than you know. You don’t have to try to fit in or explain yourself. Just being there is enough.
And if you’re tempted to overextend yourself to be “extra helpful” or overly agreeable, pause. Take a breath. Protect your peace.
You belong there. Full stop.
To conclude… there’s no need to earn your place
Being the only Black family at school can be emotionally tiring. It can bring up questions you didn’t expect to answer. However, it’s also a powerful place to model strength, pride and quiet confidence for your children.
You are seen. You are enough. And your child is learning from every moment you show up and stay true to who you are.
FAQs
Why does it feel so uncomfortable at school events sometimes?
It’s because many school environments haven’t yet learned how to fully recognize or even accept cultural diversity. It’s not always intentional but the lack of awareness can show up in small, subtle ways.
How can I feel more connected as the only Black parent?
Start small. Look out for other parents who might feel the same. Suggest inclusive ideas. Or simply chat with one parent at a time. It’s okay to build your own version of community.
Should I raise concerns about inclusion with the school?
If you feel safe doing so, yes. You could frame it around building more inclusive events or suggesting resources that reflect all children.
Share if you’ve felt this too. Let’s open the conversation wider, together.
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