For many females, their first hero is their daddy. Their first real relationship with someone of the opposite sex is with their father. Fathers play a major role in their daughters’ lives and can be a big reason why they do or do not turn out a certain way. It is therefore no surprise that daddy issues affect women so strongly. So, what are daddy issues?
What does it mean to have daddy problems?
To have daddy problems means dealing with one or several kinds of social and/or behavioural disorders that stem from your relationship with your father.
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Daddy issues or daddy problems may be defined as the emotional and mental confusions and turmoil that people face that they are able to directly or indirectly trace back to their relationships with their fathers.
How do I know if I have daddy issues?
There are several ways to tell if you are facing daddy issues. Here are five key traits of people who are dealing with daddy issues.
- Trust issues. Do you find it difficult to trust people? Particularly in romantic relationships, do you struggle with putting your confidence in people and taking their care and love for you at face value?
- Insecurity. Do you lack confidence in the people and things around you that you value? In your relationships with others, do you feel a constant sense of danger or instability? For example, do you frequently feel without any real evidence that people are using you or not being genuine in their expressions of love for you? Do you think you are never quite good enough?
- Interest in much older men. This, to some, may be one of the more obvious signs of daddy issues in a woman. Women who have a strong preference or unconsciously seek out much older men in relationships might find upon some soul searching that they are seeking out a father figure. This may be because they never had one growing up or the one they had was in some way inadequate.
- Bad boy issues. Do you, in search for a romantic partner, find yourself gravitating towards men whom you know are not good for you? Men whom you know are not trying to settle down with you may be a symbol of your relationship with your own father if you could not establish a stable relationship with him.
Daddy issues psychology might also say that chasing the bad boy is you running away from a safe and secure relationship because you never had one with the first man in your life and therefore do not know what one should feel like
- Seeking validation. Do you feel the need to have the men in your life reassure you constantly or approve of your choices before you feel confident enough to take important decisions?
Those are five fairly common signs of having daddy issues. There are also different types of daddy issues.
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The 3 Types of daddy issues
The Kentucky Counseling Centre pinpoints three types of daddy issues:
- Anxious-preoccupied. This is where we see a high level of insecurity and fear of abandonment in romantic relationships.
- Dismissive-avoidant. This group struggles to put their trust in people.
- Fearful-avoidant. They do not like to face situations head-on and tend to run away from intimacy.
There is much talk about intimacy and the signs of daddy issues when it comes to women. So much so that people fail to realize that men can also experience daddy issues. Yes, men with daddy issues do exist. Just as much as women can have problems in adulthood that stem from their relationships with their fathers growing up, the same can apply to men.
Daddy issues in men
Boys need a male figure in their lives in order to avoid the pitfalls of typical hegemonic masculinity. At least, that is what research says. Of course, they do not need just any masculine figure but rather specifically, a positive masculine figure.
Hegemonic masculine traits include characteristics such as homophobia, emotional suppression, aggression and misogynism.
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Daddy issues in men, according to research, tend to manifest themselves in men who grew up in households where their fathers were either emotionally absent or physically absent. There are also situations where dads are present physically but are emotionally absent.
Men who experience daddy issues tend to do so because, like for females, they either had fathers who were physically present but did not pay any or sufficient attention to them, or were physically absent and so they had no father figures in their lives.
How to get over daddy issues
The first step in healing from your daddy issues is to realize that you do not simply “get over” them. It may be a long journey to healing but you can certainly get there.
You have conquered a large part of the battle if you are able to ascertain that you have these problems in the first place. Recognize your patterns. Know the different ways you sabotage your own happiness and success and begin to work at changing things.
Seeking the help of a qualified therapist is usually a good way to work through complex daddy issues.
Click here to find a therapist who can work with you remotely to achieve your goal of working through daddy issues.
Remember: you are not alone but it is important to make sure you are not sabotaging yourself and are not negatively affecting the people around you whom you love.
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