How to show appreciation for your stay at home wife (8 ways + 3 Things you shouldn’t do)

“My stay at home wife doesn’t do anything.” This is something that you might find yourself thinking about when you leave home for work everyday. In reality, your stay at home wife might be doing tasks that would wear you down faster than your day job would! A stay at home wife’s daily routine is one that not every husband can or wants to handle. Be cognizant of this when speaking to your wife about her day.

Without realizing it, you might be putting your stay at home wife down with the things that you say. You might be making her already tiring days more stressful than they really need to be. 

In this article, we will look at some of the things you might be saying to your stay at home wife that make her feel like you do not value her role in the family. 

To start with, we will consider the top three things you might be doing that make her feel as though you do not appreciate her efforts.

3 Ways you might be putting your stay at home wife down without realizing it

1. All criticism and no praise. You walk in the door after a long day of work and barely glance at your wife before pointing out something that you find to be negative about the home, the kids or your wife herself.  
2. Failing to notice when she looks especially good. You might see that she looks better than she usually does. Maybe she is wearing something other than her pajamas or a big shirt and joggers. Maybe she has some makeup on. Noticing these things is not enough. You have to vocalize your appreciation for them.
3. Downplaying her role in public. It is bad enough that you do not recognize how much she contributes to keeping the family thriving. If you also either go out of your way to downplay her role in public or neglect to praise her efforts in front of others, you are failing her.

Whether it is in front of others or at home with your family, there are certain things you should definitely not be saying to your stay at home wife (SAHW).

7 Things you should never say to your stay at home wife

1. I’ll try to help with the kids. The kids are not a task to perform and they are your kids too. Taking care of them is not helping. It is doing what you are supposed to be doing.
2. Why is the house such a mess? She might have spent the entire day comforting a crying baby. She could have been feeling so tired or ill herself that she barely had time to cook a meal for you before you got home.
3. It’s your job. ‘It’ is actually several different jobs in one that your wife is not getting paid for. She does not get any holidays from that job either. Whether she wants them or not.
4. What were you doing all day? Do you really want her to recount every single task she completed just so that you can prove to her that she did have five free minutes to sew a button back on to your shirt? What if she used those precious five minutes to rest her aching feet instead? 
5. Well, aren’t you lucky?/Must be nice. Is she really as lucky as you think? Is it truly nice? You might have a completely skewed perception of her typical day.
6. I’m a very busy man, you know? And she is not a busy woman? Your stay at home wife is not sitting at home all day doing nothing. A stay at home wife’s responsibilities are more rigorous and also tedious than a lot of people care to know. If you are one of those who thinks to him “my stay at home wife doesn’t do anything”, perhaps you need to spend a week in her shoes.
7. I just really need a holiday. And she doesn’t? Is your stay at home wife’s life nothing but a breeze? 

READ: What do stay at home wives do all day?

So now that you know what you should not say and do, what do you say and do that will make your stay at home wife feel valued?

How can I make my stay at home wife feel appreciated?

1. Hire help occasionally

If your budget allows it, show your stay at home wife that you care about the burden on her by hiring some help for her. It might be weekly or monthly. It could be a cleaner, a babysitter or a cook or chef.

2. Notice and comment on how good of a mom she is

Become more intentional about taking notice of how she cares for your children. Let her know that you see how much she loves them and all that she does for them. Make sure she knows that you know she is a great mother. She might be hearing it from others but she really needs to hear it from you too.

3. Experience a day in her life

Just for a day, tell her to do her own thing separate from yourself and the kids. She should be out of the house if possible. Do everything for them home and the kids that she would normally do. And then imagine doing it every single day.

4. Fix weekly time in your diary for the kid activities

This makes your wife know that you want to spend time with your kids and she will love that. It will also give her time to get in some self-care which she will most likely desperately need.

5. Be vocal about the good stuff

Until now, you might spend most of your time around your wife and at home nitpicking at the little things. Start to speak up about the things around the home and with the kids that are being done well. If you cannot find any, maybe you are not looking hard enough…or you do not want to find any. 

6. Treat her to a special day or weekend

Sometimes, do not leave it up to her to find some time for herself and do whatever she wishes. You can also plan out a special day or weekend for her. It could be a spa trip on her own or with one of her girlfriends, for example. 

7. Be specific when you say ‘thank you’

Saying non-specific thank yous when she prods you about your criticism is not good enough. Pick out specific things she does that you are grateful for and thank her for those things often. 

RELATED: The best gifts for SAHMs

8. Listen to her carefully

This is how you will be able to figure out what little things make her feel appreciated. Listening when she speaks and making note of the things she says that may come in useful in the future will pay off as she will see how much attention you do pay to her. It is also very helpful for when you need to pick out a gift for her.

Is your stay at home wife feeling under-appreciated? Are you an under-appreciated stay at home wife?